Many communicators think that what they intend to communicate is what is perceived by their listener(s). However, what is intended is not always what is actually perceived.
Unfortunately, whether the impact is positive or negative, it is not something often discussed between communicators during an interaction. Many folks are clueless as to how they come across because it is rare for anyone to tell them whether what they are doing is helping or hurting them as communicators.
This is why coaching is so important. Not only will a coach identify the issues but also provide implementable solutions to help you have the kind of positive impact you desire.
Video is a powerful tool. As a result, I like to record presenters throughout my workshops. Video gives people the ability to see themselves how others see them. This revelation gives them clear motivation to make the needed adjustments.
A great example of the power of video happened in a recent workshop. A presenter walked up to the front of the room and without saying a word, his presence pushed people away. His demeanor was so intense that he came across incredibly intimidating. When I asked him what he was thinking about as he walked up there, he told me that he had a song in his head that really gets him pumped up.
So I gave him feedback on his impact and had him watch the video. He was shocked. To adjust his demeanor, such that he would draw others in rather than pushing them away, I suggested changing what he was thinking about before he walked to the front of the room. (The suggestions I make are always highly personalized so I will not mention it here since each presenter starts with a different baseline.) The important thing is the result: the transformation was profound. He now came across warm, approachable and friendly. In seeing the videos back to back, he really got it. He understood that what he thought he was projecting, energy and enthusiasm, was not coming across as such. More importantly, he learned a better way to make a good first impression.
If you want to improve the impact you have on others, get a coach. If that is not feasible at the present time, watch yourself on video or get feedback from people you trust to be honest with you. However, a coach provides truly unbiased feedback and more importantly, will provide clear direction so you can more consistently have a more positive impact on those you communicate with.
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